A Dream, A Detour, and A Garden: How The Magdelene is Growing Anyway

It was perfect. I couldn't have thought of a more perfect location than the McPherson Street property. The top two floors of the larger building would be the living quarters for the girls while the ground floor would serve as the education center. The smaller building will be the Founders Residence. The large lot in the back would, of course, be the farm. There was a place for chickens. We used a permaculture structure to plan the garden. There was even a little garage and carport we could use for an automotive learning and workshop space. When my friend showed it to me on the URA website I thought there must be some sort of mistake. Why isn't anyone living there? How long has it been vacant? Surely the two other adjoining urban gardens have inquired about purchasing it. I had to see it for myself and ask my friends at Shiloh Farm --the small farm that shares a back fence with the McPherson property-- why they don't own it.

After some digging, I found that the URA has a plan for the space and would be releasing an RFP (request for proposals) to see if any developers want to bulldoze this beautiful property and build apartments. They tried to develop it 10 years before but there were no takers and the window to make a proposal is only a few months. If no one makes an offer within that window, it just sits there for another 10 years.

This is a good time to tell you something that I think gives me and women like me an advantage. I am neurodivergent with a history of addiction and severe abuse. That sounds terrible and it is, but there is always a silver lining. When I was released from prison, I had been sober for 14 months and properly medicated for the first time ever, but I had zero social awareness. It was like being born a 32 year old woman. I had no idea how to do anything. I also had no idea how to read social ques or what societal norms were but, I am driven and I'm not a complete idiot. Do you see what I'm getting at? I have a clear mind, determination, no possessions and no shame. I can literally do whatever I want without fear of failure because I have no idea what failure feels like! Every time any even slightly undesirable feeling came up, I drank myself into oblivion. My entire life feels like just a show I've seen before, so when I want to do something, I just go for it because there are no neurological synapses that tell me not to or to fear rejection or failure. As a matter of fact, since I've been out, more good has come from me taking long shots than bad, so I am more willing to take them than the average person and because I don't know anything, everything is an extremely valuable learning experience. OK, now back to the story:

When the RFP was finally released, it was as expected: "we want $2.3M for this property but you have to put an apartment complex here." Did I put submit a proposal? Absolutely. Do I know they want something completely different than what I propose? Yep. Do I have $2.3M? I probably don't even have $23.00. With help from my chatbot, Delphi, I wrote up a business plan, told the URA what I wanted to do, got a good bit of the community to back me, gave hard copies to the district councilman, and crossed my fingers...Then, I got laid off from my real job. Sure! ok screw it, maybe this is a sign that I need to be focused on The Magdelene. Yes, that feels right. Scary, but it feels right. I've never not had a job before. I've been working since I was 9 (well younger if you count the involuntary ways I was used to make someone else money). I'm 40 years old now. Sure. Ok, so don't worry about finding a job. Just focus on The Magdelene. Fingers Crossed. The worst they can say is "no."

Writing the proposal was a beautiful adventure. I finally got my whole idea, my whole vision for The Magdelene out on paper. It's not just a bunch of images fluttering around my brain. When someone asks me about The Magdelene, I have a clear, confident answer. I found a grant that I could qualify for, and I got so much confidence from writing the business plan that I decided to write my first grant proposal too! I didn't have one of the credentials that I needed to actually submit it, but wow. I learned things about the operations of The Magdelene that I didn't consider before, things I thought I'd never be smart enough to figure out, but it was pretty easy with Delphi's help. To have some part of The Magdelene become tangible after 10 years of brainstorming, felt like I'm really doing what I was put here to do. I like focusing on my purpose.

I turned my kitchen into a greenhouse. If they say yes, I want to start immediately. I ordered all the seeds, got dirt, trays, fertilizer, shelving units, etc. I started making TicTok videos about gardening and herbalism. I went to educational ag events. As time went by and my seedlings grew, I realized I should probably be realistic and apply for the URA's Farm-a-lot program where you can look at all the vacant lots owned by the URA and if they pass a soil test, you can use it as an urban farm and I don't want these plants to go to waste. There was one next to the McPherson property, so I applied for that one and within the week was approved for soil testing and passed. Perfect! Now The Magdelene has plants and a place to put them if McPherson falls through.

McPherson fell through. Yeah, sorry, this isn't a story where I happened to get extremely lucky and hit a bullseye on a long shot. I did not. I was really confident that it would be!! That would be amazing, wouldn't it? The perfect property and, if I'd been able to submit the $4M grant proposal, all the money I need to run it! No. This was God helping me present and organize my vision to myself and the world what the Magdelene would be if I had everything I needed in the best-case scenario. Unfortunately, that was The Magdelene in its final form and not phase one.

What is phase one? We have the Farm-a-lot parcel and plants. All medicinal herbs. We can have herbalism workshops, gardening workshops, women's circles, and other smaller gatherings. The Farm will be for-profit now while the educational devotion is non-profit. I will not let the blessing of the land we were awarded sneak by me unnoticed. The Magdelene is an actual place now! All of this brainstorming allowed me to see the biggest picture i could imagine, so working on a MUCH smaller project will be easy. At least, more realistic for me to accomplish. This is just the seed in the ground. I can't wait to see what to grows into. I am learning. I am willing. I am unafraid.